David Ortez

What happens when you give one guy a cell phone and a video camera? He goes to Target to stalk shoppers while pretending to be on his cell phone as he describes his victim’s actions. This is hilarious!

Sometimes, I wish I could come up with some of this stuff … but then again, it is funnier when it is true. The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) created a coloring book titled, "A Scary Thing Happened" which allows adults ergo parents explain how disasters occur.

A little birdy told me this was created for W so he could understand what happened after Katrina. Something tells me that this was still way over his reading level. Download a copy of the FEMA Color Book courtesy The Smoking Gun and edumacate yourself!

So I woke up this morning with what seemed to be the worst hang over . . . I don’t recall why I ever started drinking last night but one thing is for sure . . . I had the worst nightmare. Imagine this:

I had a nightmare about McCain selecting his Vice President. It was a she . . . and before I go on, I almost crapped my pants because I thought it was that b!tch from my home state of Texas. She goes by the name Kay Bailey Hutchinson and she is as conservative as they come. I crossed my fingers and held my breath but it wasn’t KB. WTF?

Who the hell is Sarah Palin? This is when my dream transcended into nightmare.  McCain had selected an inexperienced Governor from Alaska that had less than 2 years of experience. My stomach fell ill and my head started hurting. So I began drinking because as I became more inebriated it seemed that it was not reality.