Judge Martin Sheehan is Happier than a Tick on a Fat Dog

It is not that often that you read a legal instrument and chuckle to yourself. That is exactly what Judge Martin Sheehan of the First Division Kenton Circuit Court in Kentucky accomplished on July 19, 2011, after releasing an order regarding the case of Kissel v. Schwartz & Maines & Ruby Co. which was scheduled earlier that week for trial. The Order states;

And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory; IT IS THEREFORE ORDERED AND ADJUDGED by the Court as follows: 1. The jury trial scheduled herein for July 13, 2011 is hereby CANCELLED.

In case you are wondering if this is fake, Kenton County court records indicate that the case is a pending matter as indicated in the above screen shot. Judge Sheehan is a real person as well as evidenced by a true and correct copy of a photograph found on his website.  Judge Sheehan was a Democrat in the Kentucky House of Representatives for five years, practiced law for ten years, ran for district court and has held a judicial position since the mid-90s.

DBL Law sat down with Sheehan and discovered that “he can also express his casual flare by mixing in his love of history and culture for a little sarcastic twist, to illustrate a key point in an opinion or to politely shed light on a problem. His opinions often contain quotes from the likes of Thomas More and William Shakespeare to Bill Clinton, Delbert McClinton, Tom Waites, Pink Floyd and even Captain Jake Cutter (as played by John Wayne in the Commancheros)—“he’s just spittin out words to see where they splatter.”

Judge Martin Sheehan

Sheehan is also known for throwing out a lawyer’s libel suit against a prosecutor on the ground that it was a constitutionally protected opinion; adopting civility rules to remind lawyers of the proper decorum expected in his courtroom; and striking down an overreaching state law as unconstitutional which retroactively sought to restrict where past sex offenders could live.

If you would like to read the Order in it’s entirety, then look below. Take notice that both signatures match. Enjoy!